I googled: songs about just the way you are. There were at least 36 that I found. Probably 1000's that actually mention loving someone for who they are. We often hear people say, "I just want someone to love me for who I am!!" Let's think about this for a minute. Marriage today, is not what it used to be, or what it was intended to be. I saw Courtney Cox on The Late Show the other night and she said something like this, You know Dave, David and I have always been a great example for a healthy lasting marriage in Hollywood. But now we may just be a great example of how good two people can be when it doesn't work out. Huh?.....Divorce today is too often a way out of something you think is too much work. Just my opinion. And I'm not basing that on ANY Hollywood relationship, it just got me thinking about the obvious. I was talking to my mom the other day about a couple that has been together for many many years and you often wonder, what it is that keeps them together. They have nothing in common, never show affection, always seem miserable, yet I know they will go to their graves, pretty much despising each other with the same ring on their finger they've had for the last 50 or 60 years. And we, living in such a free spirited generation, debate that in our minds and hearts. Even when we believe, because of our faith or maybe just because of our word (vows), that marriage was meant to last we still try to figure out what's better. Getting out of something that is only making everyone unhappy or staying even though we are miserable because we said we would.
I saw this quote the other day: The trouble with most of us is we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. -Norman Vincent Peale I wonder if he was married. If I was a gambler I would bet he was. It takes so much dedication to live with someone who sees your every flaw and when you are close enough to be able to tell each other those flaws well that just gets even harder. You find yourself wanting to just be accepted for who you are, where you come from, what you believe, and how you do things. And you don't want anyone telling you that you are wrong even when you know you are. It feels good to be right. It makes you think you are making it in life. It gives you pride......wait a minute.....yep, I said pride! That's what it does. And whether you want to admit it or not, pride in ourselves is the one thing that can destroy us long before a lack of "having something in common" will. My thought is this: If you find someone who will love you just the way you are, run!!!!!!!!!!!! You can live your life chasing after those people who make you feel secure and affirmed or you can LISTEN. Maybe you're not perfect:) Maybe you don't do things the right way. Maybe you need to change your attitude. Maybe your kids do think you care about yourself more than you care about them. It's hard to change who we are. And not just because it takes too much effort but also because it takes admitting we are wrong. Don't you think the reason half of all marriages end in divorce is because one or both refuse to change?
The couple I was referring to earlier who are miserably married also raised 4 children. Only one of them has been married to the same person throughout their life. Actually, only 1 of them are even married today. And I wonder all the time, if those children have seen the misery so long that they refuse to live in it. So whether they believe in marriage or not, their heart gets out before they end up the same bitter way. What if those two people who refuse to get divorced honestly decided to listen to the other one and changed some things about themselves. When you've lived with someone the way they are for that long, it wouldn't take much to make a big difference!! And what if those children could see hope in that thing called LOVE!? What if they believed that love is a choice not a feeling? What if they could see that life is not just about you making me happy but me making you happy first?
I am not who I used to be and, thank God, I am not who I am going to be and if it weren't for my husband, I would only be worse than I used to be. Jason, my husband, always says, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is how to learn." I don't want someone to love me for who I am. I want someone to love me enough to help me get better. So many people decide that "for better or worse" really only means "for better". And they continue to search for the one person who loves them the way they are. Most of the time they don't even like themselves but they refuse to live with someone who tells them the truth. If you have someone who tells you the truth about yourself, THANK GOD, and listen to them. You can be a statistic, keep looking for someone who tells you what you want to hear, and die just like you are today. You can stay with that same person, refuse to change, and both go to your grave miserable just because you said you would. Or the REALITY is, you can admit that you're not an easy person to live with, you make mistakes, NO ONE is going to tell you that's ok, and let God continue to work in you as you reach for the ultimate goal of being like Jesus. Anyone can work with someone they know is trying. It's when we give up on each other and give up on ourselves that all hope is lost!
