Keep Me Out Of The Way

I used to think that people who were "good" were right!  So people who were "bad" were wrong!  And then I grew up and here is what happened.  Dancing, movies, short skirts, rock music, black eye shadow, tattoos, all these things weren't "bad" anymore!  And spanking your children so they will learn that life has consequences, riding your bicycle to the gas station by yourself to get 2 cent bubble gum at the age of 7, playing outside with NO sunscreen, and drinking whole milk, well all of these things weren't "good" anymore!  I began thinking about the rules I'd been given, that I KNEW I'd give my children!  And then I thought about how different those were from the ones my parents had been given.  I started thinking about all my reasons for why I had been so "good" and others had been so "bad".  And yes, I LOVED Jesus and still have no regrets for the things I chose to stay away from but in raising my own kids, there are questions everyday that I have to pray God will show me the answers for.  I struggle with why and if things are wrong and how long it has been wrong and does that mean in a few more years it won't be wrong anymore.  I remember a day when I would see a black man with a white woman and think "I hope I'm not standing by them when the rapture takes place".  Good grief!!!  So sad but so true and I believed those things were wrong!!  But today, I don't and neither do the people that made me believe that.  And that's just it, if dancing and wearing shorts used to separate you from God, and a clean record of holiness brought you closer to him then why in the world is there all this talk about God seeing the heart?

A man who is giving his life everyday to make sure that every heart has a chance, in a place where he could be killed for doing that was asked, "how can you say that those who have never even heard the name of Jesus will go to Hell when they die?"  That's something I have said many times!  And what he said in response was so amazing!  Sometimes it's not the answers we need to all of the carnal minded questions we have but the simple reminder of why we are here! I can't tell my daughter she will go to Hell if her shorts are too short or because she wants a tattoo.  Her bottom is covered much more than it would be in a swimming suit!  And she draws on herself everyday at school and no one thinks anything about it!  What would it do to the most sensitive amazing beautiful determined heart that is inside of her if I changed her focus at this stage in her life?  The wise man basically said, I am not the judge, only God can judge the heart, but I simply use the illustration that most likely these men have denied their creator and in that chosen to be eternally separated from God.  Us not knowing who has, who hasn't, and who simply has no idea should not leave us sitting here critical of where they deserve to spend eternity but should compel us to do everything in our power to see to it that they have a chance!!  To me that means this...if my daughter was about to fall off the side of a mountain and I knew there was a chance she would be able to catch a limb on the way down and be ok, I would not take a chance of that happening just to save my own life.

Another man said if you believe in this gospel message but you aren't willing to give your life to see it reach the lost then I question the fact that you even actually believe it.  I hear these men who speak of preachers that have been placed in boxes not big enough to even lay down in for 9 years, who have lost their limbs, their children, their lives, and it sickens me that as American Christians we have spent so much effort trying to keep the "good" people good and trying to change the "bad" people to be like us!  If I went to a foreign country and saw a man with 15 piercings, 20 tattoos, and only wearing a rag around one part of his body, do you think I would start my mission by saying, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this sir...you look like a freak, but God really loves you and you should be like me so you can go to Heaven some day!"?  I would never say that, but in our culture this is what we do in a sense.  We all have our views, our convictions, our pasts, our Grandparents who believe what they believe for whatever reason (and definitely have the right to teach us what they believe), but here I am, almost 33 years old, and I'm still amazed at how the Holy Spirit can take all that I think I am and have been and turn it into a pile of ashes in the very second that I think it may count for something.  Yes I was the "good" girl.  Yes I made the "right" choices.  But "I" am nothing and my life means nothing outside of the grace of God as well as all the other "good" people and all the other "bad" people!  I am not worthy of Heaven, I don't deserve to be loved by Jesus, but He loves me anyway.  God, help us all to remember that for our "heart" the standard will never change.  We must love you with every part and show others that none of us can prove our righteousness!  Remind us that there is one way to you and that is through the blood of Jesus Christ.  Give us the strength to live our lives willing to die so that the heart of another man, even ONE, would decide to love you.  And cover up our stupidity that this hurting world receives as hypocrisy.  God help me live in such a way that those who know me but don't know you will come to know you because they know me.  -Unknown    

Expecting results that do not reflect our actions

Danielle, from the movie Ever After said, "If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?" This quote says a lot to me.  Not necessarily about thieves but anyone we choose to look down on; including our own children.  As your children grow up make sure what you are putting in is what you want to come out.  We can't wait on them hand and foot, giving them all of their desires at the drop of a hat, and expect to raise a strong, independent, responsible adult. If we laugh because they hit, slap, get angry and show cute little "fits of rage", as babies, we can't expect them to know how to handle conflict properly as they begin to grow up. If they only see and hear us pray at church we should never expect them to have a real relationship with Jesus; even if we do have our own “private time with God”. Do they know what that even means? If we simply sleep with them, or have them sleep with us, because they are afraid of the dark or have bad dreams, we can't expect their spirit to know how to rise up within them and cast out the fear that tries to control their life.  If we show no respect to the people in our house, no grace, no gentleness, no patience, no laughter, no peace, no commitment or no self discipline, we will raise our children to be exactly those kind of people.  If we say, "We can do this but you can't.", we are teaching them that the standard is lower for us as parents; which will cause them to "desire" the day when they get to lower the standard for themselves.   

It's so hard to do things the right way. We all mess up, as parents, every single day. We must get up and try again.  We have to think about the things we say and do.  Is that what we want to hear and see from our children? When we do mess up, we should tell them: 

1. I was wrong. 

2. I'm sorry. 

3. This is what I should have done instead. 

4. This is how I will work to change that. 

5. I love you and my mistakes have nothing to do the you. I am the only one responsible for what I say and do.

Aren't these the things we are trying to get our children to say to us? We must first show them how to say it. Even if we choose not to say it, receiving grace and mercy from our children is the easy part.  They are very forgiving, yay, BUT we are still is forming who they are and what they know to be true.  Here are some "truths" we are teaching them: 

Mommy tells Daddy it's ok for us when he already said no. Child thinks, "Score!!!!" What's now true for them? What Daddy says doesn't matter when Mommy's around.  

If Mommy says no candy and I keep asking she'll say yes.  Why do they think that?  Because we did that (me included)! The truth for them? Mommy doesn't really mean what she says. 

Child doesn’t understand how to do their homework. Daddy is in the middle of watching a ballgame. Child asks for help. Daddy says, “I think you are smart enough to figure it out! Just keep trying!” The truth for this child? Daddy thinks football is more important than me.  

If it's ok for my 5 year old to have a boyfriend, I can't expect that same child to not want one at 14. If they've already had 10 along the way, I can't expect their heart to be healthy enough to handle a relationship the right way because they will have already had many unnecessary rejections. If these events have been a part of that child's life since 5 years old, they now see themselves in a completely distorted way. The truth for that 5, 10, 14 year old girl? If someone breaks up with me, that means I'm not good enough. If someone doesn't ask me out, that means I'm not good enough.  No matter how much a parent speaks words of affirmation into a child's life, they weren't made to deal with that stuff at the same time in their lives as they were made to play pretend.

  If we want them to have a goal and reach it, we must have our own goals and be reaching them. If we feed them grapes and eat ice cream after they go to bed because we don't want them to be unhealthy like us, we can count on them eventually being unhealthy. Our actions prove what we believe is true, not our words! Truth for our children is only true, to them, when they see that we believe it with our actions. It's not just what they see us do or not do. It really is who we are that matters. We don't raise what we want, we raise who we are. 

Your children will be what you show them is ok to be when they see what's ok for you.  It's that simple.  Show them what's ok.  If you don't show them what's right, don't expect them to listen to your constant complaining about what they have become.  All they will do is look in the mirror, see YOU, despise the person they are and despise the person they see.